There is always an easy way out of relationships. No doubt divorce rates are at around fifty percent in the United States. It’s too easy to leave when you or your spouse is not the same person compared to when you both first started dating.
You will change. Your spouse will also change at some point.
People are constantly changing, relationships are always evolving – they are a living thing. A long-term relationship is not other than a series of small relationships within an extended time. Try adjusting yourself and embracing the differences.
We will develop different hobbies and tastes. We will like different things throughout our lifetime. Changes shouldn’t be an excuse to love our partner less or leave a relationship. It’s, in fact, the opposite. It’s for us to adjust and embrace these changes and our partners when the time comes.
I used to think couples needed to have similar hobbies and lifestyles, but they don’t. What they need is a relationship with a solid foundation on fundamental values like love, care, respect, understanding, wants, and vision. And approach this with an open mind.
In fact, having different hobbies and lifestyles could sometimes be a good thing. You will learn diverse aspects of each other’s life. It might make the relationship more exciting and fun. You might end up learning and liking your partner’s hobbies and lifestyle. You might end up trying them yourself in the end. So it’s a good thing.
I think when you genuinely care and love your partner, you will try fixing things when they aren’t working. This will, in turn, fortify the relationship. It will make it stronger over time. Therefore, divorce shouldn’t even be an option to be considered.
But divorce shouldn’t be an option… unless there is something fundamentally wrong in the relationship. Think of these as physical, verbal, or mental abuse, manipulation, cheating, and lying. In this case, yes. GTFO. ASAP.
For better or worse, I’ve come to understand this later in life. I had to go through several relationships. Some of them toxic, some decent, and some of them good ones.
There is no relationship I haven’t learned something out of it. The most important aspects? The basics. Always be kind, generous, and selfless, genuinely care about your partner, protect her heart, communicate about everything, give more than you receive, respect and accept each other’s differences, and love your partner at all times – good and bad.
Life is a two-seated roller coaster. We decide who to ride it with.
Similar to some people who go from job to job searching for a career they genuinely like and enjoy, I got involved in relationships experimenting and trying to understand what I like and what I want in one. Although this might have seemed like a waste of time, I think these were valuable experiences that get me to where I am today.
I’m at a good place now. I’ve worked on myself and all of the above in the past years. And made the most improvements in the past months.
Richard Chan 